Laura 0:00
Meg, welcome to a very special episode of the Akashic musings Podcast. I'm here with Meg Tobin. She and I are both therapists who are on this beautifully holistic, open, spiritual, expansive, no edges, kind of journey with coming into the highest version of yourself, yourselves, and we just dropped into this beautiful, sacred space together before opening this conversation. And I want to turn it over to Meg to just share what was coming forward energetically for her right now.
Meg 0:34
So I'm feeling this pulsing energy in my heart and and I just My heart feels like it's bursting open, and this desire and to both feel connection and create connection between us, amongst all who are listening. And then even beyond that, what ripples will connect whatever we are talking about through this next period of time with people's individual lives and their connections, and I'm just sort of feeling this pulsing out from this specific point in time.
Laura 1:12
I love that because I'm feeling something similar with my heart space. And I would love to talk about the different sensations that come forward when we open our hearts and when we feel our hearts opening, we feel this kind of pull and desire for connection. Because obviously there can be all sorts of like fears and then hesitation that can come up when we feel those things and and I think that an important piece of this is connecting to the sensation that arises. So for me, I feel like my heart is super eager and expansive and, like, explosive and almost giddy to the point of, like, oh my gosh, there's so many fun things we can do here on this planet. Like, there's so much you can be and and I kind of want to jump on the roof and scream it from the rooftops. And I'm feeling this really potent, like, almost commanding energy that comes from that. And I think sometimes that can intimidate me a little bit, and sometimes feel like I'm watering myself down where, because it's like, okay, Laura, well, you're an emotional authority in human design, so you need to give yourself 24 hours to let that settle before you share it. And I'm like, no, like, I've gotten to this point where it's like, if my heart is exploding, I want to be seen, and everything that is exploding out of me.
Meg 2:30
Yes, I can feel that. And I feel that energy with you, which is so exciting, right? Because it's like, I feel it definitely in my chest, but it is expanding through my entire body right now, which is such a cool thing. And I just point out Laura that, and for those who are listening that, before we started, we dropped in right? We did a moment of just aligning ourselves, right? It we don't just, we didn't just like sort of walk in out of our last session and feel this. I didn't anyway, right? So it need, I needed a beat. I needed to be able to switch gears and to be able to drop into my body. And so much of my work is around, how can we inhabit our bodies and in a way that feels safe and feels connected. So so many of our clients don't feel safe in their bodies, right? And I think that that can then inhibit some spiritual connection, if we're not able to really come into our body and then from that grounded place move up into spirit, right? So I feel like having it just a moment, and I think you and I are very skilled at doing that, and so I think maybe some people listening you might need to practice it right. It's a muscle that we need to practice, and we need to grow into being able to drop into our bodies. Because for a lot of us, our bodies haven't been a safe place to be.
Laura 4:02
Thank you for saying that so much, because there's two things that come forward around this for me. One is, I always say that the two main reasons that people are not feeling like they can fully connect spiritually or fully come into the body around spiritual sensation within them is because one of that lack of safety within their nervous system or some kind of fight or flight or freeze or some kind of response that's coming up within the nervous system that is inhibiting that the other, the other piece is just decision, like deciding to trust and deciding to have faith. And sometimes we we just make that decision over and absolutely and that helps regulate the nervous system, but we can't always make that decision if we're not feeling fully regulated. Yeah, and so I think that's really beautiful as to what you brought forward in the second piece is what you shared about us coming into this space that we dropped into together. And yes, we are very skilled at doing this. And. I also want to point out how important it is to do this in relationships and space with other people. That's regulatory in itself, right? Because we are here for CO regulation. It's one of the maximum basic needs on Maslow's hierarchy of needs is to come into the state of belonging and safety and connection. And so it's also we talk too much as human beings, like meanwhile, we're in a podcast talking, but we talk too much. It's like we come into the Can we just come into space with one another and be in presence and taking a breath and appreciating that there is energy, wisdom, safety, love, clarity that is meant to come forward because I'm in space with you, Meg, something different might come forward because I'm in space with my dog, for God's sakes, or a neighbor. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. Can you practice also coming into this dropping into the body piece that Meg was talking about in the presence of another? Sometimes you need to do it alone first, yes, you do in principle. And sometimes you can't do it alone until you do it in presence with another. And this is very specific to you, so you get to decide,
Meg 6:14
yes, 100% and I love this whole idea of CO regulation, because we are we're social, we're social species. We need each other and and life and trauma and whatever layers of grief that we're carrying do automatically, sort of make us feel like we want to be separate. We want to be I'm just going to go into my own little cocoon and I'm going to put my head down. I'm just going to do life, and that is so damaging to our spirits and to our nervous systems. So there's science behind this. There's science behind how being in relationship, being in physical contact with someone else, really helps the nervous system to feel safe in the world. It gives these cues that can allow us to increase our level of connection, our level of comfort with connection, and it's so I heard. Gebor Mate is the psychiatrist who talks a lot about addiction, and he talked about the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And so addiction of all sorts, right? Not just sort of the classic things you think about really do exist in disconnection. And so our pediatrician always use every single time we would go in for whatever. He would say, drink more water. Drink more water. He would hear our concerns. He would attend to what was urgent, but his bottom line always was, drink more water. And so my thing is, stay in connection, whatever you need to do to make yourself available for that, even if it's scary, even if it's hard, right, even if you feel like you don't have that skill or training for it to to just take little baby steps into connection with another human being and it and again. It doesn't have to be in words, right? It can just be sitting next to being near, being in the same space, and acknowledging that you're sharing that energy together.
Laura 8:27
Thank you, because I was just thinking that too, like you don't have to, you know, Brene Brown always talks about, when we come out of shame, it's courage, connection and compassion. This doesn't mean that you have to tell people what you're ashamed about or what's going on in the starkes. It doesn't mean you have to tell people, I'm so scared to be here, like, just come into presence. I don't care if you go to a yoga class class, or if you go to a park and you just sit there and serve right. It's it's leaning in. It's the leaning in. And I want to very clearly acknowledge that we are human beings, which means that we are cyclical, which means that we have seasons, and it is okay to have seasons where you may be less social, absolutely less chatty, and you can still be in connection, even if you're not as chatty. And you can also, especially on the spiritual path, as we kind of cultivate this very unique individual relationship with spirit without letting all of the outside noise and outside narratives interfere. Yes, there's those times that we need to kind of be in that space with ourselves and with spirit. But ultimately, you know, we are not all monks sitting on a mountain in a cabin, and living our like anybody can be spiritual if you freaking do that man, absolutely right. But the fact is, like we were brought here to share this with one another, to bring this element of spirituality into sensation, like spirit wants to feel its own sensation of. Its own power, its own textures and and that's why we are here, and we were created, and so honor the divine too, right? And how you were designed to be able to come into this, this space of reflection. And I think that can be what's challenging, especially if we've had trauma, is those triggers that people talk about, then I come into space and I'm triggered. Or if I observe a playground, Laura and you know, so and so is screaming over here, I feel sensitive to Okay, so take some deep breaths. Walk away if you need to walk. Yes, you've already leaned in like honor your pace.
Meg 10:39
Yes, yes. And being able to recognize that the triggers there is huge progress, because so many people walk around not even knowing they're being triggered and just feeling angry or scared or, you know, whatever the emotion is that comes with their trigger. And so being able to recognize that is a huge, thing. And then from that point, I do encourage my clients to form of an internal relationship. So I do a lot of work with internal family systems. And so if a if a client is feeling triggered, then I will, I will encourage them in that moment in the park to take a breath, do what, say, whatever they need to say to themselves about being safe in this moment. Just because a kid is screaming over there doesn't mean someone's being hurt, and then acknowledge that there is probably a younger part of themselves that is really scared, and that's the time to step up and be that inner parent. That's the time to step up and say, not you, you're okay. That was then. This is now. And yes, this is triggering, this is scary. And I've got you, no one's going to hurt you right now. And so that comes with practice again. So much of this is repetition and teaching our nervous systems that there is another way to be in the world. So many times people are just locked into that, that same brain groove, right? And we have this whole other mountain over here with, like, so much fresh powder that is ready to be, you know, just kind of jumped on. And so those little moments of honoring where we are and lining it and lining up with the truth currently, because when we have a big reaction, when we're triggered, it's mostly about what's happened in the past, this past, painful learning that we've experienced. And so this current learning is gentle and loving and connected, right? And so then you're you're forming this relational experience internally, so that that then translates into relational experiences with others.
Laura 12:51
This is why I love internal family systems, and I love this concept of re parenting so much, because you are coming from a compassionate space, and you're coming from a space as the divine, as our soul sees us too, which is this really gentle space of listen, you precious little angel of love, like, God bless you for coming to this planet and dealing with all of this over stimulation and drama. Like, God bless you. You are a champion, right? And honoring that, and being like, it's okay to have freaking tantrums about, yes, like, it is totally fine. Like, I'm still going to be here, I'm still going to love you, and I'm I'm still going to give you a snack later. You know what I'm seeing? Like, it's bringing that loving but also directive energy in which is so important, and one of the things that I work with my clients on a lot too, which, again, can take some practice and some time to get to but is recognizing that these triggered activations, let's say, or responses that come up within the body when you're at the park and you're witnessing something, are just energy, right? They're just energy. This is a memory that has been housed in your body, in the tissue, because of a previous event, like you said earlier. And so all this is is like a firing off of the nervous system. It's a discharge of an excess energy that's actually no longer you, that doesn't match you anymore. And so if you're able to be like, Oh, okay, my nervous system is discharging energy right now. Instead of being like, Oh, this means X, Y and Z, yes, you create the story and attach the narrative. And again, this takes practice. Sometimes it's not going to come up right away, but that's one of the things. Is like, oh, kind of approaching it with curiosity. Oh, hello. Just kind of like, if somebody passed by you and they were like, making a silly face, and you're like, Oh, hello, okay. And you like, take a breath, and you kind of give yourself a little space to settle. And I think that's the thing that a lot of people don't realize, and especially it's hard when our nervous systems are super riled up or agitated, is with space, it will always settle. Like it's Yes, always going to settle. You are not going to be in that exact same mood, that exact same energy, forever. This is temporary.
Meg 15:06
And I think when we are in that place of not being aware of that, right, that's when that's when that frontal lobe is offline, that's when we are like in that, you know, primal state and and, which is why it's so important to practice when you're not in that state. It's so important to, you know, get into your body to even in little, tiny ways, when you're walking from your car to your office, be conscious of that you're walking, that your body is moving right? It doesn't have to be anything that interrupts your regularly scheduled programming, right?
Laura 15:47
This is brilliant, because we think about this in terms of reparenting, right? And we think about this when we have like, little, childlike parts of us, if the only time that we respond with compassion and re parenting is when our inner child is freaking the hell out. Guess what? Our nervous system learns and our mind learns, it learns, well, this is how I get attention, this is how I get the Love. This is how I get the direction. This is how I learn who to become and how to move forward. So what you just said is vital, because when you choose to love yourself to show up in space with different parts of you that happen to be present at the moment, whether they are happy and joyful, excited, creative or upset, yes, are showing yourself that you desire and are choosing to be present with all aspects of yourself,
Meg 16:41
yes, yes. That is so powerful. And you know, thinking about what we need as human beings and what we needed as children that we didn't get right? And so that may be a little daunting for someone to think about, like, boy, I don't know how to parent. I didn't have a good model, right? And so, but then it comes back to what you were just saying, like, it's gentleness and compassion, right? And there are going to be parts of you that you don't want to look at that you you know, you don't want a gentle parent, right? That tantruming 12 year old part, right? And that's where the work is. That's where the work is. The work is in finding compassion anyway. The work is in softening just a bit, right? This isn't black or white. We're sort of leaning in gradually if it feels hard, right? So moving toward even if you're not fully engulfing this little part and holding on and hugging and you know, and you also might find that those parts don't want anything to do with you because you haven't proven yourself worthy of that trustworthy, right? And so it's about, just like any external relationship, it's about slowly moving toward and gaining trust internally. And I think there's a lot of a lot of help that we can get in spirit right, to be able to draw on that generosity and curiosity and compassion for ourselves, because we can pull that in right? We can request that from the universe. We can ask that of our guides to really give that to a show us how to do that, so that we can then give it to ourselves and others
Laura 18:27
and recognize where we've already extended this same blessing to other people or to animals. Like you know how to parent. It's like, Yeah, but like, if a kid falls in front of you and they skin their knee, or like an animal is hurt, what are you going to do? Like you know how to respond to that person. You know what to do, and sometimes it's helpful to externalize that, because it's harder for us to meet those feisty parts of ourselves, like you said, but we know exactly how to bring that divine love and that patience and compassion and understanding to another being on this planet. And absolutely we can call spirit in to kind of be that bridge and guide us as we are learning how to do this. And one of my favorite tools when I'm meeting that, that feisty part of myself that I'm like, Okay, this is a, this is a part of Laura mazata that needs to take a beat, okay, like, I'm a little scared to sit with her. And one of the things I love is just being like, okay, lady, you got the floor, you know what? I'm gonna you got the spotlight. And this could be, you know what? Just rage, have your tantrum and, and it's like that empty chair technique that we talk in therapy, where you take that part of yourself and you put it in a chair across the room from you, so it's not you, it's kind of externalized. And you get to have this conversation with this part of yourself. And sometimes I'll do this in a journal. You can have conversations back and forth with the parts of you in a journal where it's like, okay, you got a whole page. You got a whole section man, like, go nuts. Say whatever you want to say, and I'm going to respond as if I'm, like, just hearing this, if I'm standing at the water cooler at work. Yes, Susie comes up, and she's like, Oh my god, guess what happened last night, and she's going nuts. And what you can hear her but not be sucked into her ear. And you can be like, I totally get what you're saying, yes. And this is how we can detach a little bit too, and not get so sucked into that when it's need ourselves.
Meg 20:35
And you know, going back to what we were saying about the stories we tell ourselves, right? This is the narratives, I think, are what get in the way, like if, if, if it's my child who I've said, Don't climb on that. It's not safe, and they climb on it and fall. I'm going to have a whole narrative in there that's really different from that. If I'm just walking in the park and some other child falls, and I have no connection with them, right? So I'm going to be having it's going to be triggering me in a different way, right? If there's some story there. And so I think it's really important for us to check our narratives and to challenge them, because they're often designed from a very cognitively young place, because it was some decision that I made when I was six, and I whatever, whatever happened, I decided that this is true about the world, and this is true about me, and it's from a and so thinking about that, like, Wow, do I really want to live by the world view of a six year old? No, I really don't. Right, so I so that I think does get in the way of being able to access that internal compassion and external compassion. I agree,
Laura 21:49
and I think, honestly, I think a big part of that is avoiding responsibility for ourselves, like avoiding taking responsibility for Yeah, I can list a million things that happen into my in my life where I, you know, don't trust who I am, or don't trust my decisions. And it's being able to say, I'm going to take responsibility for who I am right now and the decision I'm making in this moment, yes, and that is that is a serious practice like that is a serious, repetitive practice to continue to say, no, no, present moment. Present Moment, right? And I always say, present moment. The 555, technique. What are five things I can see, five things I can touch, five things I can hear, or five things I can smell, bring those senses in and remember, okay, this is where I am right now. This is where I am right now. This is who I choose to be right now.
Meg 22:35
Yes, choice, that's a huge part. And I think that so much of the time we're living by default without making choices about the next place. And I'll say, like, if you want to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's because you've had a shitty week, choose it. Decide I am numbing out right now and I'm going to eat this. But it's when we do these things unconsciously that we keep that loop going right, and you're being accountable in that moment, I am doing something that I know isn't great for my body, and I'm going to do it anyway, and tomorrow, I'm going to do something different, but right now, I give myself permission to do this, not hurting anyone, but me not a great choice, but it is a choice,
Laura 23:18
and I'm not going to die, and I'm not going to Die, I'm not gonna die, and what I'm doing is this is important for me, because I'm learning how to trust myself, and I love that you talked about the accountability, because it's I'm learning how to take responsibility in small ways that don't feel like these Giant, dire, life changing things that feel really daunting and like what happens with this relationship or this situation if I make this choice?
Meg 23:49
Yeah, yes. And so by saying I'm choosing to eat this because I want to numb out right now is different than saying I'm doing this because you are such a jerk to me, and I'm so upset because of what you did. It's very different. And words matter. Words matter so much. You're not giving your power away, right?
Laura 24:11
You're not giving your power away and saying, Well, I'm doing this because you are mean to me. Trust me, I get it. I have been Yes, but like it. You're giving your power. You're outsourcing yourself. You're handing, we talked about those different parts of ourselves. You're handing a part of yourself and saying, here, I'm still allowing you to boss it around and tell me how to feel and how to act. No, thank you. Exactly.
Meg 24:33
I also talk about these energy leads, right? That when we are caught up in what someone else thinks about me or what they did to me, right? They're, they're like, literally leaking. We're leaking our energy toward them, and they're getting something of ours, that it's ours, right? And we are willingly, like you were saying, just handing it over. It this is here. Take my life force.
Laura 24:57
Oh, yeah. I feel like. This is an ongoing I'm like, I did that last week. Yes, exactly, yes. I'm like, this is such an ongoing process, because this is the I choose for me. It's I choose my soul mission. Every single day, I choose what I'm showing up for, what I am here to embody and express and share and invite people into every single day, and I refuse to allow myself to get distracted by other people's drama, by Bubba bubba. But of course, we're human beings, and so we start to feel that pull. And again, this world is very overstimulating, and so you get distracted by the shiny objects, and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no, I almost forgot who I am and what I've decided.
Meg 25:48
yes, so important. So sticking things up around your house, creating an altar, like doing things that are I'm big on telling people, because our phones were attached to our phones, right? So what's on your home screen, right? Can you make little widgets that gave you a reminder of things you're struggling with, right? Or maybe that's the compassionate voice for your day. Is just something that you write on your home screen so that you're consciously reminded of this, this mission that you're on to to connect with self and spirit and and be present in the moment.
Laura 26:24
Yeah, and love all of you. Like how devoted you are to that there's nothing more self loving than making that decision that I want to love all of me, all parts of me. I want to bring all of me forward. And you'll eventually know that that is because you want more of yourself, and there is more of yourself to meet and to grow and to expand. And I'll say too, with the the reminders on your phone like that. And this could be affirmations. It could be a picture, whatever. It's so important to to take a moment to feel into them, because, like you were talking about coming into the body, bringing this full circle as we start to close up here, that when you feel into that, you're creating a new memory in your body. We talked about the memories that are attached to old stories and things, but it's creating a new memory. And for me, I have the picture of my oldest child on my background. She just went to college, and I'll tell you, feeling into her vibration and feeling into her mission and what she's here for, and just her energy is like, nothing else matters. Yes, I'm like, I feel into that. And I'm just like, Who gives a shit? Yeah, you know? Like, I just don't care. Like, you know what I'm saying, and so that's what I mean, is like, it's not just because I remember I used to have on my Reminders app affirmations going off, like every hour of the day, and they were different ones. And then I got to the point where they were wrote, and I was like, I'm not really and sometimes it's because you've actualized it. And so it's time to create a new affirmation or a new widget or picture on your background screen. But sometimes it's because you are not pausing to breathe it in and feel into the sensation of what you've given yourself by placing that there. Yes, like let yourself receive that gift from you. It's you've loved yourself into that. So this has been so beautiful. I love all the gorgeous wisdom and nuggets that came through this conversation. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Laura. You're welcome, and hopefully we'll see you very soon, my friends.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
