Welcome to the Akashic musings podcast. My name is Laura Mazzotta and I will be your guide during the sacred experience. I'm an Akashic healer and teacher, and I've also been a therapist for almost 20 years. This podcast is your go to opportunity for all things healing, inspiration and Empowerment. I will be sharing potent wisdom from divine intelligence in the space of the Akashic Records. For more understanding of what the Akashic Records are, I encourage you to listen to episode one, or head over to my website at www.theakashictherapist.com. I'm so grateful to have you here, receiving the powerful energetic shifts that radiate through these messages. Just by listening in you're doing your part to raise the vibration of the planet, and fully realize our natural state of wellness and vitality. Without further ado, here's today's episode.
Welcome back to another episode of the Akashic musings podcast, I'm so happy to have you here today, please excuse my voice because I am recovering from a special virus. But I am here and ready to talk about manipulation. Manipulation is something that actually gets a pretty bad name. And we, our egos have really strong responses to it when somebody says that we're being manipulative. And it doesn't mean that we're bad people. And I think that's immediately what people assume is, oh, my gosh, I'm being a bad person, or I'm not as good as I thought I was. And the only reason that comes up is because you're suffering with a little bit of impostor syndrome and not feeling good enough, because manipulation is something that we absolutely all do all day, every day, every single one of us as human beings, manipulates our environment to get what we want, we manipulate the temperature in our home to feel more comfortable, we manipulate the temperature of our food to make it more palatable, we manipulate our tone, we talk to people, so that they are receiving our words in the way that we intend them. There's also a lot of ways that we manipulate on a subconscious level, to get closer to people to understand our environment better. And I'm going to educate you on some of those today. Because they're very subtle ways of manipulation that come up on the daily for a lot of us that once we have awareness of we can shift, and really just step into a greater level of honesty and authenticity and who we are. And we actually get to know ourselves a lot better. And it leads to self intimacy. So it's kind of beautiful, because not only are we not manipulating, and we are conserving and serving more of our relationships, but we're also deepening our intimacy with ourselves. And if you're listening to this podcast, you enjoy deepening your intimacy with yourself. So alright, one of the ways that we can end up manipulating people is through conversation, right? We go to share something with somebody, we go to say something. And we want to ask ourselves, what is the purpose of this share? Because if we're giving somebody something with the intention of receiving something back, that's manipulative, right? Because we're trying to kind of ease a response out of them that we desire, without just directly asking for it. So like, if I'm going to put something out there, and I expect somebody to say, Oh, are you okay? Can I help you? Why not just ask for help directly? Why not just say, Hey, I'm feeling this way. I would really love it if you could do this for me. And if they can't, they can't, and they can tell you directly, boom, done conversation over. Nobody has to be hurt, right? Whereas if you put out there, and then they don't offer the assistance, you then feel all butthurt because you're like, oh my gosh, they don't care about me. You create stories in your mind all the things right? So it really encourages you to pause before you're opening your mouth and asking somebody something to identify what it is you're looking for from this, okay. You could be looking for a verbal response. You could be looking for a behavioral response. But ultimately, you want to feel a certain way when you're confiding in someone are sharing something that's on your heart with somebody else. And that's another helpful layer to this to understand which is how do you desire to feel from sharing this like why are you sharing it? What Purpose does that serve for you?
Do you just want connection and collaboration? Do you just kind of want to put it out there? Do you just need to say it, or are you attached to the outcome in some way, because if you're attached to the outcome, then you're feeling good is dependent on that person's response. And when that happens, you're putting pressure on the other person, you're burdening the other person. Because what you're doing is you're saying, like, I don't really realize that I need this myself. And I need you to be able to figure it out and give it to me so that I feel better. And then anybody who has a level of responsibility and you're feeling good, is going to be more likely to be codependent with you, they're going to be more likely to honestly have tension in a relationship with you and resent you. Even if they don't necessarily understand why this is, a lot of times, the main reason that relationships don't work out well, is because there's a lot of subconscious manipulation there in the communication, okay. Another way this comes forward is through apologizing, but not changing our behavior. One of my favorite memes is, you know, apologizing without a change in behavior is manipulation. And people get very, very defensive about this statement. And the reason they get defensive about it is because they don't want to change. It's because they don't want to change their behavior. Right. And the thing is, we apologize, because we really do feel badly. We really do feel badly, emotionally. And that's why they feel like it's BS when they hear this statement, because they're like, No, I actually feel sorry. I'm like, that's great. But are you convicted? And you're sorry? Are you devoted enough to this connection to this relationship? Is it important enough to you as an important to your own development, to shift this behavior to better yourself? And if it's not fine, that's your choice, right? But ultimately, what happens is, we apologize over and over and over and over again, don't change our behavior. And it sabotages our relationships. And then we feel like, well, that person is just being a bitch, or that person is just not understanding or whatever. Well, actually, no, you just feel really unworthy. And don't feel good enough to be able to or, or Yeah, I guess Worthy is the best word worthy enough to change your behavior to be a higher level of yourself, because you don't feel like you deserve it, or you don't feel like you can stain it. And so instead, you're just going to keep apologizing to me, like 5000 times, right? But you're not changing anything. So that's going to sabotage our relationship, which is then going to validate that unworthiness that you hold as a subconscious identity. Right. And so this comes into play with people pleasing to and overly explaining, because it were so it's so deeply rooted in proving our self worth to people. We're trying to control our fear of abandonment. So let me just tell you, all the reasons why I feel the way I feel and you need to understand this, like, I need you to understand where I'm coming from, why, if you're so confident and solid with it, why do I need to understand it, you're just afraid of being abandoned. Right. And it really people pleasing general, just sabotage those relationships enormously. Because what happens is you're giving your energy away, just so many people are so many places that are not really your authentic self, like instead of just wanting to show up and be yourself. And then if we are not meant to be on this, this path together, we're going to know really fast and save each other a lot of heartache, you know what I mean? So just be really conscious of the people pleasing in the overexplaining, because that's really you just trying to prove yourself worth and ultimately, that's manipulative, because you're trying to get somebody else to view you in a way that you want to be viewed and in the way that you want to see yourself. You want to get approval from other people to feel solid to feel secure. Right. And that's not fair to put on other people. We are meant to do that for ourselves. Okay. And the last example that I'll share with you is like avoidance, right? avoidance is a big thing with manipulation, where you get quiet, or you say you need space, or you don't respond to messages or conversations, and then make excuses as to why you're not available. The fact is, you are if it's important enough to you, you'll make yourself available. If it's central enough to you and your heart, you'll make yourself available. And if you're if you're saying to me right now, it is really important to me, then you need to cut out other things in your life to make way for that. You know what I mean? And so you're trying to hold on to the relationship. This is the manipulative part. You're trying to hold on to the relationship, because you don't want to lose it. And so you're avoiding calls or conversations because you're like, I don't want to screw it up. Like I don't want to say anything that's going to sabotage this or it's going to damage it but you're not answering is not damaging, and again, is people pleasing and walking on eggshells, and not being authentic.
Okay, so the important piece to talk about here is not to sit in shame around manipulation. These are all things we do subconsciously. It's not like we're doing them on purpose. It's not like we're trying to hurt people. It's not like we're out there saying, like, who can I fuck with today? Right? Like, since the first humans walked on this planet, we've been manipulating our environments, so that we can survive and so that we can thrive, it is hardwired into us. Okay. But once we have awareness of it, and the concept of manipulation is front and center, you can be more conscious and intentional, with your words and actions, more aware of what is it that I'm actually looking for here? Like, look deeper? Am I actually looking for a response for this person? Or am I looking for love? Or am I looking for approval? How can I give that to myself? How can I support myself through that without requiring somebody else to do it for me? You know, we all this sounds terrible, but we all use each other on this planet, you know, human beings, were meant to collaborate, we're meant to each have our own strengths that I use mine, you use yours. And by coming together, we use one another's strengths, to be able to grow, to be able to expand, to be able to continue moving forward and getting what we need in this life. So we all use each other every single day, okay. But the intention behind it is the important part. It's being really authentic and honest, and being really you and being really clear about what it is your needs are. And if you find that you're in these patterns a lot, that means that you're not really clear on what your needs are, and or you're not meeting them yourself. And so getting to know yourself better, diving in more deeply with your own self intimacy, and emotional intelligence is going to expand this so much. Because then when you ask yourself some of these questions that I've talked to you here, you know, you're gonna your expressions can be more honest, your relationships are going to be more honest, because you're just being direct, you're not beating around the bush. And then decisions become so much clearer, you'll feel calmer, you'll obviously be more self aware, like I said, and your emotional mastery is going to usher in more confidence for you because you're not relying on people outside of you, or situations outside of you, to validate you and give you what you need. You're giving yourself what you need. You're securing your foundation within yourself. Okay, so share this to your Instagram story or your Facebook story and tag me at emerge healing & wellness. Let me know your thoughts. Let me know how this landed. Thanks so much for joining me and I'll see you next time on another episode of the Akashic musings podcast. Thank you for joining me for this episode of the Akashic musings Podcast. I'm so grateful you're taking the time to integrate healing at the deepest level. If you loved this episode, connect with me on Instagram at emerge healing & wellness or contact me through my website at www.theakashictherapist.com. I'll see you next week on the next episode of the Akashic musings podcast. Bye for now and have a wonderful week.