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Welcome to the Akashic musings podcast. My name is Laura Mazzotta and I will be your guide during the sacred experience. I'm an Akashic healer and teacher, and I've also been a therapist for almost 20 years. This podcast is your go to opportunity for all things healing, inspiration and Empowerment. I will be sharing potent wisdom from divine intelligence in the space of the Akashic Records. For more understanding of what the Akashic Records are, I encourage you to listen to episode one, or head over to my website at www.theakashictherapist.com. I'm so grateful to have you here, receiving the powerful energetic shifts that radiate through these messages. Just by listening in you're doing your part to raise the vibration of the planet and fully realize our natural state of wellness and vitality. Without further ado,
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here's today's episode welcome back to another episode of The Akash of musings Podcast.
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Today we're going to be talking about codependency. This is a term that has become thrown around by so many people just casually in the industry in terms of the coaching industry in the therapy world but also in casual conversation. Oh you're being so codependent if you are expressing needs to somebody or feeling like you're really reliant on someone. And I really want to clarify this for a number of reasons. And one is because you know, we can get so easily caught up in thinking that we're being codependent especially if we have a history of it. And we almost become hyper vigilant about our codependence like oh my gosh, that means I'm codependent and constantly staying on the edge of our seats and evaluating our behavior and scrutinizing what we do and how we act in relationships, thinking, oh my gosh, I don't want to be codependent and it becomes something that we fear. And when it becomes something that we fear, then it takes on this. It's almost like that monster that we're that's under the bed that we're trying to stay away from. And that's a repelling energy. And it makes us feel like something's wrong with us. And like we're doing something wrong, where the fact is, we are actually meant to rely on one another, we're actually meant to meet each other. And it's good for us to be interdependent. The only reason that we need to look at codependency and consider codependency as something that may be a cue for us to meet more of our own needs is when we take on somebody else's experience or emotions. Okay, and we feel like not only do we feel what they're feeling or what we think they might be feeling, but we also go into fix it mode right away. And so those are really the two biggest flags for codependency are okay, I'm gonna go into fix it mode. I need to save you from this. And why do I need to save you from this, I need to save you from this because ultimately, I feel uncomfortable, that you're feeling uncomfortable, I can't tolerate it. So if I fix it for you, then I feel better. I feel calmer, right. And so really, this is really about you calming yourself down. It has nothing to do with fixing the other person. Because when you fix somebody else, or when you try to save somebody else, it really gives them the message that you don't have faith in them to move through it. What would be better is for you to be able to say okay, me going into fix it mode indicates that I'm feeling uncomfortable with whatever this person is sharing with me, or how I think they might be feeling. And therefore I'm going to express to them if they desire, how much faith I have in them how much I know that they're a boss, and they're going to get through it. And then I'm going to take my own time to move the emotions through that make me feel uncomfortable when this person is bringing something forward, whether it's their emotions or sharing an experience that they've had. Because the thing is, if you're feeling they need to fix it, then that means it's triggering you or activating something with you and within you in some way. And if it's doing that, then that means that there's something unresolved within you. So it's a really good mirror. When somebody comes to you with an issue and you want to fix them to identify Okay, where in my life does this feel? unresolved, because if it's really pulling at your heartstrings, that much that you can't let it go, and you have to fix it, or you're not gonna be able to go to bed at night, or you're not gonna be able to go do your tasks or focus, then that means that you have areas of resolution for that particular topic or for that particular emotion. Okay, and then the other piece is taking on somebody else's feelings. So that's like somebody's angry, or somebody's anxious or somebody's sad, and you're feeling that sadness for them, you're feeling that sadness on their behalf, you're absorbing it. And so this person is kind of in a bad way. And you then take on that energy and start to feel something similar. And you may not attribute it to that consciously. You might think, oh, no, I'm sad today, because something else is going on, right. But if you started your day with this person, and they were in an anxious state, and you're taking it on, and feeling this, like obsessive or compulsive need to stay in touch with them, or to figure out what is, you know whether or not they've resolved how they're feeling, then you're definitely really creating this energetic chord between the two of you, where you're taking on whatever they're feeling until it's resolved, okay. And that really takes away the lesson. And the experience that this person needs to have in order to move through their own emotions in life and feel honestly, like proud of themselves, because they've been able to take something that feels uncomfortable, and they've been able to move through it, you know, the average human being has 21 mood changes a day, it's very normal for us to go in and out of moods, it's when we grab onto them and create all of these stories about what they mean that they stick around, and they become more intense, okay, so it's really good for you, or for anybody for that matter. To be able to take whatever emotions coming up and just giving yourself space, giving yourself grace, to be able to say I'm alright, I'm going to allow this to move through me. And I have confidence in myself, I know that I'm going to going to be able to feel better in an hour or in 15 minutes or in by the end of the day, right, like emotions are always changing. And I'm open to the fact that that's also going to shift. And you know, what's interesting is that if you're taking on somebody else's emotions in a codependent way, it can be really helpful for you to just kind of step back for a short period of time, that could be a couple hours, it could be a couple days, whatever it is, you need to be able to say, You know what, I'm allowing my, my draw, to fix this person, or my feeling like I'm taking this on, to cue me to spend more time with myself to know myself much more intimately. And I think that can be a confusing part for people too, because they feel like when they take space from other people, then they're less intimately connected. And that's just not true. And this is a fear that most commonly comes up with people who have a history of codependency because it feels like, well, if I have that space, then we're going to be less connected. And then if we're less connected, then we are our relationship might fail enough our relationship might fail, then who am I? Okay, that is a very common theme that comes up and codependency because part of your identity is really tied into this other person and your connection to this other person. And you don't feel like your identity stands alone. But space and intimacy are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they encourage one another, the more space that I take for myself. And really, when I get drawn to fix something for somebody, or drawn or feeling like I'm taking on somebody else's feelings, I remind myself, and I asked myself, What is it within me that I desire greater intimacy with where within my own world, whether it's within my environment, or within my being or within my heart? Do I need and desire more space, to sit with myself, to give myself more of an opportunity to be able to not only resolve areas that may be coming forward to be resolved right now, but also just to love on myself? Because ultimately, that's what codependency is about is that we really desire so much love. And that's a good thing. We are meant to desire, so much love, and we're meant to give each other so much love in this world. I want you to desire an enormous amount of love, and then desire more than that. It's amazing. And that doesn't make you needy. And I think that's what a lot of people think is, oh, well, I'm needy, if I ask for more love. Well, if you're always looking for it outside of yourself, then people are going to label you that way. And you're going to label yourself that way. Instead, what I want you to do is shift this to I'm not needy, I just have immense desires. And I'm embracing that I have immense desires. I'm not afraid to express them and I continue to expand and how much I desire and I appreciate out about myself. And as I do that, I take responsibility for meeting my own desires for fulfilling my own desires. I don't rely on other people, because that's where the agitation and the resentment comes in, of, oh my gosh, this person is not fulfilling my desires. I've expressed it so many times, and they're just not doing it. Well, why are you being a passive participant in your life, like, take responsibility for exactly how you want to feel and dive into it. And if that means that you need to step back a little bit from this person, just for the time being, so that you can stand on your own two feet and feel really, really good about yourself, because you're taking steps forward. Awesome, do it because it's safe to. And if you find that that relationship is impacted, then it's not currently aligned. And that person is also codependent on you. And that can either be a conversation about, hey, you know what, this has gotten to the point where we're both kind of siphoning from each other instead of standing in our own sovereignty and enjoying the fact that we share life together. And growing together is a beautiful thing. But if that other person is not able to see that, then you get just set boundaries, and redefine what the relationship looks like to really support the fact that you're going to move forward and choose yourself and choose to fulfill your own desires. Okay? So anytime we're looking outside of ourselves with another person or situation, to fulfill our needs, we're going to feel like we come up short, or like there's a part of us that feels empty, over a period of time, it's gonna feel good in the moment, but over a period of time, that's not really building our resolve and our strength within. And that's really what we want to refer to. Okay, so REMOVE this label of codependency and blaming yourself all the time. Instead, when you feel these nudges, I want you to just use it as a cue to remind you, I meant to spend time with myself right now. I meant to understand myself a little bit more deeply, or just choose my desire, return to my vision and realize what's important to me what's most important to me, in this human body in this lifetime, to be able to fulfill so that I feel like I'm moving toward the highest version of myself. So thank you so much for listening to this. At the time of this recording, I actually have a free masterclass called desire that I'm going to be holding. And I really encourage you to take a peek at that and join me because we're going to be really allowing you so much more space, to be able to just meet your desire and to understand what that looks like. A lot of people don't even know what their desire is. And that's where codependency can come in to because they kind of rely on other people's feedback to tell them what it is they want and desire. And it's really good for you to spend that quiet time with your soul to be able to narrow that down so that it's really aligned with you specifically and who you're meant to become. So thank you again for listening to the Akash of musings podcast. I will see you next week for another episode. Bye for now.
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Thank you for joining me for this episode of the Akashic musings Podcast. I'm so grateful you're taking the time to integrate healing at the deepest level. If you loved this episode, connect with me on Instagram at emerge healing & wellness or contact me through my website www.theakashictherapist.com. I'll see you next week on the next episode of the Akashic musings podcast. Bye for now and have a wonderful week.
