I’m pretty clear on this mind fuck now but it certainly conflicts with what we’ve been conditioned to believe, so I will share my process with you. Enjoy!

A blog on chronic illness (from the experiences of myself, loved ones, clients, 20 years as a psychotherapist, and divine intelligence):

The Role of the Subconscious

There’s a common idea that chronic illness or symptoms are reflections of an unresolved subconscious mind.

Like there must be a part of our subconscious that benefits from it or the illness wouldn’t exist.

Our subconscious runs the human show much of the time. This is true. So if there’s shit in the basement it’s gonna come up through the body.

Even if it’s not yours, you can identify codes you are carrying from ancestry and past lives. 👉🏻But is it your job to clear them or simply have awareness and acceptance that they are there?

You can easily shame yourself into not feeling good enough because you clearly haven’t done enough of your own self excavation to get better.

Or you can appreciate that you are remaining present in each moment with what comes forward, offering patient self compassion, knowing that if you’re listening to your body, tuning into your energy field, and responding to subconscious invitation, YOU WILL TRANSMUTE WHEN YOU’RE MEANT.🙏🏻

The Soul

God isn’t going to show you shit you’re not ready to integrate. Each level comes with new lessons. 💫THE TIMING IS NOT FOR YOU TO DECIDE. And by damn you aren’t going to force it so you can get better for your own human comfort. Forcing energy gets you nowhere.

Our bodies come with a unique energetic signature. I’d like to fully accept mine instead of striving for another level. Trusting the universe and taking personal responsibility for my own experience in each moment rather than being attached to progress in any form.

🤔What if we are meant to experience illness? What if being ill is an act of service? When we truly surrender to the divine orchestration and guidance of the universe, the lessons aren’t just for us. They impact the souls contracted with us.

Guess what’s stronger than the subconscious? The soul. If my soul is meant for certain lessons through my body and I’m intentionally regulating my nervous system, educating myself in my unique physiology, and rewiring subconscious patterns like a boss when they arise, aren’t I then being invited into full self acceptance, appreciation, love, and compassion?

Okay but, Laura, what energy are you doing these things FROM? Desperation is a no go and I see that shit from a mile away. It wasn’t always that way though.

Feeling Desperate (The Emotions of Your Body)

“Healing” from a space of desperation & clamoring for the outcome you want is never going to work. NO DICE.

It may work temporarily but you’re gonna cycle like a boss. When I started healing from sepsis I was desperate. Desperate to stay alive, desperate to get back to “normal,” and desperate to leave this shit behind like a bad nightmare.

That was the launch into a deeper journey of my own understanding. I was pissed about having to care for myself (in a myriad of ways) because I “had to” to get better.

😖I was bullying myself into better health because I was egoically determined NOT to fail. I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE WITH MY BODY. I KNOW THE DOCTORS ARE WRONG & I WILL PROVE THAT I CAN MANAGE MY OWN HEALTH.

Yeah so that didn’t work. Bringing my perfectionist, Type A (and a little defiant lol) persona to this process was certainly not the intention the universe had in mind.

And I realized, Wait I’m fighting myself to the “top.” I’m meant to appreciate the process of loving on my body and myself. I need to sink into this. I need to soften. I had made myself the project.

No one wants to feel like a project, even our bodies. Exhaustion and burnout come from pushing an agenda on someone, resulting in stark defiance, throwing hands up, and/or blatant avoidance. How does your body reflect this to you?

I was being called into acceptance. Deep appreciation of where I AM rather than where I “need to be.” Deep TRUST of my body and where the universe is guiding me.

👉🏻That shift was a game changer on my journey. To NOT NEED THE ILLNESS AS AN EXCUSE to immerse in profound, nourishing, totally obsessed with myself SELF-DEVOTION.

The Non-Linear Path to Trusting the Body

Now, I engage in my practices, eat super healthy, and rest like a champ because I ENJOY them and SO adore sinking into my own experience. There is no sensation or fulfillment that rivals it.

👇Don’t get me wrong, this was a process, which usually operates like a pendulum, going from:

Mostly neglecting the body/taking it for granted…

To begrudgingly attending to it…

Then loving on it…

Then overly attending to the body with an over-giving hyper-vigilance…

Then compassionate parenting by holding empathic, boundaried space for the body (without taking on its woes or trying to fix it — more on this in a bit)…

To a level of surrender that continues to deepen over time: This might suck (& it might not!) but I’m gonna trust my body to move through & sink into presence with it. Frantic intervention is not required (unless it’s an emergency, of course). I can do this, gently, patiently, and lovingly because I know with confidence my body has the ability.

🙏🏻Moment my moment I witness my body as it is and honor its tantrums by not fixating on their meaning (or what they’re trying to “teach” me). And by not rushing to its aid every time it yells and screams (This is the compassionate parenting part).

I give it space and lovingly detach from its stories and ranting, allowing its energy to simply flow through. I trust what’s on the other side of this. I trust what this is leading me to.

I release the egoic fears attached to the bodily sensations.

The Ego’s Role

The ego attaches to why the body is presenting physical or emotional symptoms. It wants to understand so it can “fix” it. We don’t need to know or have the answers in this moment.

Stop putting pressure on the body, and being so needy of it to give you answers, when it just needs love. For years, I practiced asking the body what it needs. There’s a place for that, for sure, but when you’re not feeling well do you want someone to barrage you with questions for in-depth analysis and feedback about how you can grow?

You’re making it about YOU, instead of about the body. Imagine your body as a small child that just desires love, comfort, and attention. How can we offer this to the body without seeking to extract something from it (even if it’s wisdom)?

Deepening self-love is the best antidote to chronic symptoms of any kind. Be intentional about it. Let’s embody GIVING energy instead of TAKING in this scenario.

If you GIVE the body space (by expanding the breath, lowering stimulation, and letting it rest), and open to being present with and listening to whatever it desires to say (versus asking pointed questions), it will speak to you openly. This will calm the body and make it more receptive to conversation with you.

Some of the information it brings forward may be helpful for your ego to know. Some of it may be cryptic. That’s ok. Your body has its own language. The important piece is that it has opportunity to express itself energetically however it desires.

And then…listen. Listen and integrate what it’s saying before hoarding that information and getting into a tizzy about what you can do with it next (like schedule an appointment, take a medication, write a blog about it, share it all over the internet about what you’ve learned, dive into a deep journaling practice to understand how it’s meant for you, etc.). JUST BE WITH IT.

Let the energy the body shared, whether consciously clear or not, to just integrate. Which means BE WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR BODY IN SILENCE. Give yourself at least 5–10 minutes. Breathe. Look out the window. Close your eyes and smile. Take a walk in nature if you need to!

Ahh, Mind-Body-Soul Connected Bliss!

We are offering ourselves so much more compassion and grace when we approach our minds and bodies in this way. We take the pressure off of an already very pressured existence.

It’s in this space that new ideas, possibilities, and awareness arrive and take hold (without all the noise going on around us). When we start to give our bodies a voice and trust them enough to respond with presence & receptivity, we soften all around.

{This is particularly healing for people diagnosed with autoimmune disease. In autoimmune, the body is literally attacking itself. What a beautiful gift to yourself to soften. To end the war within. Softening into full self-acceptance releases the autoimmune battle cry.}

The more you accept and trust yourself, the more confident you become. The more confident you become, the more clearly you know what is and is not for you in this life. The more you know what’s for you, the more you follow your passion and desire, and the less space you have for low vibrational experiences like illness, pain, struggle, discord, and fear.

Let’s live in the land of miracles, progression, and possibility! It’s so much more fun, even if you temporarily feel like shit lol. Relief will come in time. Your body just needs to trust you again, trust that you are listening, trust that you are its BFF through it all, and trust that you won’t be abandoning yourself for anyone or anything ANYMORE.

You’re getting better and better every day. Every step is a step forward. You’re exactly where you need to be. Your mind and body are just trying to protect you. Send it love and remind it “We aren’t doing things this way anymore. I’ve got this.” Then surrender it to the Universe and let God/Source/Spirit drive the bus. You’ve opened space for it to more gently guide you.