Do You Feel Like People Aren’t Listening to You?Dec 12, 2022
This is one of the most common complaints I have heard as a therapist of almost 20 years.
There are 3 things you need to consider when thinking about why you may not feel heard:
- Why do you need people to listen to you???
This desire comes from a core need to feel validated or a sense of belonging. When you ignore this need and don’t validate yourself, your brain scans for an outside resource to do this for you. You become dependent and desperate for validation from other people, thus giving away your unique power. You are allowing others to dictate whether or not your needs get met, instead of meeting them for yourself.
Ask yourself “What outcome am I hoping for in this conversation?” Get curious about why people need to listen to you.
2. You may not be listening to yourself.
If you are habitually dismissing yourself, then of course other people are going to take that cue! You set the example for how other people need to be treating you and valuing your presence.
People are a reflection of the way you treat yourself. If you chronically devalue yourself or lack boundaries, this gives people around you permission to do the same.
Try this exercise. Instead of saying “Why aren’t people listening to me?”, try reversing the question (thank you, Byron Katie, for your turnaround guidance on www.thework.com). Explore a number of possible scenarios. “Why am I not listening to myself?” or “Why aren’t other people listening to themselves?” You can also ask “Why am I not listening to other people?”
The more you flip this question around, the more likely you are to find the answer to this question. Which one of these scenarios resonates with you the most? Which one of these statements may feel like a kick in the gut over the other ones? It could be a few of them. By recognizing which of these statements truly resonates with you, you can begin to nurture the part of you that needs extra love and healing.
3. If this is a chronic issue, there is most likely a core wound that is being activated.
This is where the work comes in! A chronic issue is something that you have experienced for 2 or more years (or 1 or more years if you are an adolescent). If you feel like people haven’t been listening to you for a while, there is a deep-seated wound that needs to be healed. Through inner child healing and deep ancestral work, you can begin to understand your deepest core wounds and move through them. Both of these healing modalities allow you to identify what traumas, experiences, ancestral systems, or even past lives have been holding you back in this current version of yourself.
Many of your core wounds stem from experiences in childhood and adolescence. Maybe a parent/guardian, teacher, or friend you trusted dismissed your feelings when you were young. This can lead you to believe that your feelings aren’t worthy of being acknowledged, and in turn, you begin to dismiss your own feelings as an adult. If you aren’t validating yourself and your experiences, you cannot expect other people to validate them either.
These issues can also stem from issues your ancestors faced or something you experienced in a past life. Trauma changes and lives within your DNA and the experiences of your familial line can affect your current lifetime.
Your ancestors or past lives may have been punished for using their voices and speaking out, and in this lifetime you are being called to remove those blockages and fears of speaking out about your passions. It is also possible that they may have been way too vocal or using their voice in a way that wasn’t aligned with their soul’s journey, and in this lifetime you are here to learn how to be an active listener and choose your words more carefully.
It is through this work that you can release these blockages and stop caring if everyone is listening to you because you will be truly listening to yourself. Now is the time to truly align with your soul’s journey.
Check out my video HERE on this topic.
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