Laura 0:00
Welcome to divinely grounded a podcast inviting you into sacred presence for real time alchemy tether to this awe inspiring space of conscious conversation so you can be activated by the electric exchange of raw conscious relationship witness where you're being called to polish the edges of your discernment in relationship with yourself and with others,
Jenna 0:25
join us as divinely grounded plants fresh seeds of possibility to discover the purity of your unfolding truth. Together, we will transmute everyday experience into profound growth. I'm Jenna Greengold, the conscious Alchemist,
Laura 0:40
and I'm Laura mazzotta, an Akashic therapist. Sit back, relax and receive as new insights. Enter your awareness during these illuminating conversations.
Jenna 0:58
Welcome to divinely grounded episode 12. Today, we're going to talk about habits and how they can interfere or not interfere with our lives and how we operate. This was brought up in the context of me drinking coffee every day, and, well, specifically, going to Starbucks every day, and how I just, I was, I wasn't even doing it because I wanted it. I just was doing it because that was just part of it. Became part of my morning routine. And then I realized, like, I don't even really want this right now. I'm just going to go and then half the time it makes me late for work. So it's like, what are we doing here? So yeah, we're going to bring up habits today.
Laura 1:41
So how did it feel in your body when you stopped the coffee?
Jenna 1:45
Good. And I wanted it far less. It's probably like once a week now where I'm actually like, oh, I want to drink coffee.
Laura 1:56
Right, and I think the conversation we were having about it that came up was because this had come up in a conversation, something similar with my daughter as well. And it was talking about, like, what does it make you feel like to go to Starbucks? Like, how does it feel to go it's like, okay, yeah, I'm going there, just because I'm used to it. So, okay, but you're used to it. Why? Like, why did you get used to it like, what does it offer you? And it was interesting, because, like, when I had this conversation with my daughter, and I can't even remember the topic we were talking about, which habit we were talking about, but when I asked her about it, she's like, Yeah, it makes me feel special. And I was like, exactly. It's like, you're doing something for yourself, right? Like you're doing for your something for yourself to make yourself feel special. So I was like, okay, so great. So we know that you are looking to feel special, and that's like something that you know that makes you feel that way. So what are other ways that we can feel special and that we can offer this to ourselves instead of going through certain habits? And sometimes it's comfort, sometimes it's right, but like, what are you getting from it?
Jenna 3:01
This is cute. It makes me want to get her, like, a Starbucks cup.
Laura 3:07
She does like Starbucks, and it makes her feel special.
Jenna 3:10
Yeah, yeah. I don't think it's for me. I don't think it's about feeling special. I think it's about putting off going to work.
Laura 3:18
So it's an avoidance technique,
Jenna 3:20
probably, probably
Laura 3:23
I also feel like, is it just feeling like you're going on vacation? Like, oh, I'm on vacation. I have this, like, totally, I have a free, spacious day. It feels luxurious. I get to just kind of take space and go do something enjoyable for myself.
Jenna 3:38
I don't know, because when it becomes a habit like that, does it really start to feel luxurious, or does it just feel like routine.
Laura 3:45
Right, like when you really come into presence with and I think that's what you realized, is like, when you came into presence with it, you're like, I don't know, this isn't really doing it for me, like it used to do it for me.
Jenna 3:55
Yeah, I'm just like, I don't really like, what? Why? Why?
Laura 4:01
It’s like, old habits never die. And it's like, well, they kind of do if you're in presence with yourself, and you're in awareness and you realize, like, I've you know this also comes from, is that you just become so much more discerning with your time and space, like with where you place your energy.
Jenna 4:20
Yeah. I mean, even if it's still an avoidant tactic, I would like to place my energy somewhere that I'm enjoying.
Laura 4:27
Correct. Exactly.
Jenna 4:29
But yeah, I don't know. So I want to talk about, how does that drive us then? Like, what could we be expanding into differently? What if I chose to meditate instead? What if we chose things that felt more expansive? I guess it's really peeling back the layers of what you do in a day.
Laura 4:50
Which is funny, because that's been something that's been coming up for me lately too, this concept of becoming more precisely dialed in with the details of your. Life, you know, not necessarily just your day to day, and like, oh, I go here. I go there, but like, like, the little details like you're talking about, you know, do I stop here first? Do I do my makeup? Do I wash my face and extra time? Like, what are the things that that make you feel like when you stack them? It just gives you this feeling of like, I feel I feel good, I feel centered, I feel calm. And so I think it depends on what you're looking for. If, if you put meditation in place of that, then that's going to bring you to centeredness and clarity. If you put exercise in place of that, it's going to make you feel activated. Also could bring you centeredness and clarity. But it's like, are you desiring calm? Is your body desiring calm? Or are you desiring movement, activation, opening, right? Which is why I also ask, what do you get out of the habit? Because I think that's part of the answer. It's like, what does it like? Have you paused with some of these, like thinking about the habits in your life that you do, including brushing your teeth and things like that. Like, there's still things you're going to end up choosing, right because they benefit you, and they're things that you feel serve you, but it's just being like, okay, is this something that's that like, what does this offer me, and is this an offering that I have really, that I do for myself now, in other ways that I don't need it anymore.
Jenna 6:24
I'm wondering if it's like, if there's a sense of safety and habitual action, safety and routine. I don't mean like, legitimate, like safe. I mean like, just like nervous system, calm, with routine.
Laura 6:42
Like discipline, right?
Jenna 6:45
Yeah.
Laura 6:46
Like self loving.
Jenna 6:47
Yeah but then it's like, okay, but what am I choosing to be disciplined with? And is it something that's actually serving me or not?
Laura 6:55
Well, I think that's it. Is that that's where the habits can get in the way. Right? Is that we end up doing these habitual things, because it gives us this false sense of safety within our nervous systems, when really, is it forwarding us or is it keeping us in treading water?
Jenna 7:13
Because, I mean, in the past, I don't know what episode we talked about, like exercise. Was it the last one?
Laura 7:19
I can't remember.
Jenna 7:20
Oh no. The most recent one we put out 6? 5.
Laura 7:23
5
Jenna 7:23
Yeah so like we were talking about exercise and how we wanted to get more into that. And it's like, this is just a this is something that could easily be replaced, that doesn't serve me, that I could replace with doing the action of exercise. It's like my resonance is shifting from doing this routinely programmed shit into wanting to do something differently, and that something different is something that feels more expansive to me now.
Laura 7:55
Yeah, I like that, because it's like a revisiting of yourself, like, who am I now? Where am I now? What do I need now? You know? And because, yeah, we can get into the hamster wheel with actions that we take, and it's about being more discerned and decisive about those actions. And I think that the more present we are in our lives, the more those actions, they become less habitual, and that everything becomes a very like sacred, intentional choice. And I think the more space you have in your life too, that isn't filled with all these habitual things that may be, like you said, distracting you or helping you avoid some of the disciplined things that you could be doing that are certain would serve you more right now, like I think that that when we get into the space where you've you've filled your life with so many habits to avoid the discipline, things that would truly serve you or that would serve you now and to the person you've become, right And so you fill it so much that you don't necessarily have the space as much space for being in that really present awareness of, what do I actually need right now?
Jenna 9:12
Yeah. And then, at what point does perpetuating those older habits that were formed when you weren't in the space that you're in now keep you from advancing further,
Laura 9:25
Right like, are they blinders in a way?
Jenna 9:27
Mm, hmm
Laura 9:30
For seeing what.. what other opportunity. Like for instance, if we're talking about you going to Starbucks, it's like, what if there's a new coffee shop down the road that you haven't floored that's even better, right? That gives you a chocolate chip muffin at the same time, or whatever it is you like, you know, so find this for me. So, so that's the perfect example, right? Perfect example. But that's an example of, you know, when, when there's something that we are kind of focused on or kind of blindly following. Or has become automated. Do we see the opportunities outside of that that could be, that could be brighter. And I think we should talk about habits too, in terms of internal habits, like mind loops, right? Like habitual ways of thinking, habitual ways of seeing things, right? So it can be like, I there's a person in my life, for instance, and this person in my life always acts a certain way. So it's like I've become habituated to the fact that, oh well, this person's going to act that way. So why bother? Right? And we get into this like habituated perspective, or way of thinking that can interfere with presence in relationships and faith in other people as well, and faith in what can unfold around us, because we can also get habituated based on experiences that we've had in our lives. Really well. Every time I've done this, it's gone that way. Every time I've done this, it's gone that way. So I have been habituated to believe that this is going to go this way again.
Jenna 11:14
I think there's a line there in that type of space though. I mean, like, Yes, I absolutely agree to the point of, like, you don't want to put something, you don't want to contain something, right? You want to offer the other thing that you are interacting with, the ability to respond differently, or for you to receive a different response, for you to receive different energy as well in the exchange. But I think there's also boundary within that. No?
Laura 11:42
oh, absolutely. But it's, it doesn't have to be, but it's, it's with your thinking. So I think what I was thinking is like, yeah, like, I can, I can then have a boundary there. If there's something that has consistently happened, or especially in a relationship, if all this person's going to be this way, right, then you can have you can adjust your boundary, but your mindset towards this person is still the same. And this isn't this isn't necessarily the case for you and I, because we do keep a very open awareness, and we're very conscious about this, but I'll tell you, this is a very rigid, habitual way of thinking for a lot of people, where they just immediately shut somebody down when they start to talk, you know? I mean, I even see it in my younger two children, you know, it's like, well, he's a dick to me, so when he comes into the room and starts to talk, I'm just immediately gonna cut him off, or I'm not gonna listen to him, right? And vice versa. And so it's like, yeah, there can be a boundary there, but there's also this understanding that, like there's, there's ebbs and flows and human behavior and there's, it's not going to serve you to remain in a mindset that's restricted or that has a container. Do you know what I'm saying? Absolutely, there's a lot of people who just create a rigid mindset, or create these like boundaries of, I'm not available for this, and their boundaries are very harsh, and they're coming from a space of like protection, rather than from a soft place of like, like, that's cool. You could do whatever you want to do, but I just like, I just don't choose to spend time in that arena as much anymore. Does that make any sense?
Jenna 13:24
Yes, that makes a lot of sense, teasing out the difference in the habitual thought versus receipt of action.
Laura 13:32
Right. Because there's people in my life who have done very toxic things over and over and over and over and over again to me and I have very clear boundaries in place there that I have held for years, decades, right? And I no longer view them as X, Y and Z, like they fall into a certain category. This is how they are. This is how they are. I view them fully with love. I view them fully with love, yet choose to keep a distance there, because I do not desire to hold a habitual thought context of negativity and toxicity, because it's only that way if I allow it to come into my field.
Jenna 14:16
Yes, and then it can perpetuate it because of how you're you're in that thought, right?
Laura 14:22
That's like a self fulfilling prophecy.
Jenna 14:25
So you stay open to energy always,
Laura 14:29
which I also like in the context of habits as behavior as action, like we talked about at the beginning of this episode, right? When you stay open to energy, then habits are something that are chosen, and there's something that are consistently and re evaluate, reevaluation or reconsideration. And they're they're fluid, they're not rigid. There's rigid habits, but then there's fluid ones that it's like, okay, well, like I was talking to a client this morning. She was like, Yeah, I usually go visit my mom. Mom in the mornings, but then I started realizing I was called to visit her in the afternoon, and I was like, this is kind of cool, because she's she's got a different energy in the afternoon, and so do I. And so it's like, that's, it's still a habit, quote, unquote, habit, but it's still a choice, but it's a choice, right? It's something she habitually does, but it's a choice to go visit her. She's chosen the timing because she followed the energy. So although it's a habit, it's not a rigid one.
Jenna 15:26
I like the reframing this of as like habitual choices, yeah, as opposed, as opposed to calling them habits, because it gives you so much more power and autonomy within them. You're not outsourcing your power in what you do on a daily basis, or in any sense, with a habit, by saying it that way, by calling it a habit, and saying, you know, no, this is just something that I'm that I've fallen into. It's like, No, you can easily change the decision. You can choose differently. It is habitual choice. I really like that.
Laura 16:06
I do too, because it gives you more agency, right? And you're not just like, passively deferring to something,
Jenna 16:13
yeah, exactly.
Laura 16:15
It feels more flyid.
Jenna 16:17
much less concrete.
Laura 16:19
yeah. And it's like, again, these, these words we come up with in the language, English language, were created by, well, any language were created by human beings, right? And we don't have to identify with the word, we can. So that feels like I'm being put into a container. Or, you know, if there's, there's a resonance, there's a feeling that comes with saying, well, that's just a habit for me. I remember when somebody told me that I was a habit for them, like, Oh, I just keep reaching out to you because it's a habit. And I was like, How'd that make you feel? And I was like, the fuck I'm like, I'm a habit. Are you fucking kidding me? I mildly reactive enough. Oh, my God, this is amazing. I was like, I'm a fucking habit. Are you serious? Like, if I'm a fucking habit, go, like, get a pastry instead of texting me or calling me, like, Are you fucking kidding?
Jenna 17:18
Get a pastry.
Laura 17:21
I don’t want to be anyone’s fucking habit! I want to be a discerned choice. I want to feel special. Jenna, there you go. There you go. “It's just a habit to chat with you, to reach out to you.” Oh, fuck off.
Jenna 17:37
Ew.
Laura 17:37
right, that's what I'm saying. Like there's a, there's a, there's a resonance with the word that just feels a little like callous or
Jenna 17:47
and it diminishes the thing that you're choosing,
Laura 17:50
right?
Jenna 17:52
Yeah
Laura 17:53
where's that habitual choice you were talking about feels much like much better, because it's like, it's like, when people get married and they say, I will choose you every day, right? I will do every day. Or they decide to, you know, be in partners, long term partnership, and it's like, I will choose you every day. And it's like, yeah, like, you get to wake up and decide I am choosing, like, I am choosing to move my body. I am choosing to eat clean foods every day. And you can say that's a habit. It doesn't feel like a habit to me. It feels like a choice in every moment. It feels like a fresh maybe that's part of it is like this beginner's mind set, beginner's mind every day, every moment. It's like, is it a habit if every choice feels fresh?
Jenna 18:39
Does the nature of the habit, then make it feel less fresh. Of it being habitual makes it feel less fresh. So when you put in the aspect of choice, it like, infuses it with freshness.
Laura 18:57
I like that because I think it's similar to what you were saying with going to Starbucks. Like it just doesn't give you the same kind of oomph that it gave you when you first started and and I think this is how we can get ourselves into ruts and just kind of feel like we're going through the same hamster wheel, the same cycle, or that life can become monotonous, right? And it's just like, yeah, how can you bring that fresh energy in, even if it's just shifting the time of day or what you get there. What do you want to go to Starbucks now every day and just get something different each time?
Jenna 19:28
No, but I did have that thought very briefly, and then I was like, No, that wouldn't do it for me.
Laura 19:33
Connect to the energy of a habit that you hold right? Some of them might just be so free and clear as soon as you think about it, or, you know, write it down. And some of them just like you might need to just be with and connect to the energy with and just what is the energy of that feel like to you? And it doesn't mean it's a get rid of it, because, I mean, some habits are smoking, which are really, really hard to kick. Or, you know, you. And coffee is really, really hard to kick and so it's, it's being presence with I I'm not, I don't have to get rid of this, but am I open to shifting this to habitual choice from habit into something that is a little bit more fluid, where I'm present with and listening to the energy and being aware of the energy of myself, and of just the space around me when I when I do this thing.
Jenna 20:25
And, you know, I think that also reduces an aspect of like shame that could come forward in, like choosing to not go back to it, but choosing to engage in a habit again, right? Because you can really beat yourself up and be like, No, I wanted to stop doing this, right? As opposed to just be like, No, that was just the choice in the moment that I just did again. And I don't have to, like, kill myself over this, you know?
Laura 20:54
Yeah, I can again, bringing that freshness in. I can choose again, next time. And if you're somebody who is recovering from addiction, and you're in kind of an acute phase of that, it's not going to be this fluid. It is going to feel a little bit more rigid if you're in that space. But we're so just a caveat there, because I recognize that that's a different a different animal altogether, but, but, yeah, I'm glad you brought up the shame, because there is when I think of the word habit, it is. It's almost like, if I somebody tells me I have a habit, I do feel, I feel a shame and almost like an automatic defensiveness, yes, that I don't, I don't say or act on but I feel it inside of me that just wants to be like, to push that away and be like, No, I don't have a habit, right? Um, so there's definitely, like, a resonance there that almost feels like I've I've, like, let myself go, or I haven't been conscious, or I haven't been present enough with myself, and I've just like, fallen into the trap of of, you know, monotony, or I'm just doing it thoughtlessly. That's interesting.
Jenna 22:00
There's a lot of layers in there, but that also get released when you look at it as choice, habitual choice,
Laura 22:08
that's just flowing, yeah, exactly, flowing through the moment and then just being in recognition. Where am I habitually choosing, just for curiosity sake, if you desire to know, but there's, there's wiggle room within that, and there's, there's no attachment to it. And I think that's a piece too, is there's attachment within there. And I think the attachment is related to the safety piece you were talking about earlier. The other piece, I wanted to say, was that it can realistically create a nervous system pattern when we do the same thing over and over again. That being said, especially in the conscious community, we're very aware that we have the ability to choose to shift our patterns at any moment in time. So if you're listening to this, this is an awareness episode to just kind of check back in with what has been patterned that I'm unnecessarily desired to be patterned or patterned, or that I'm not led to have pattern to get to kind of where my soul's drawing me. I like that. Yeah. Do you have any other thoughts about attachment?
Jenna 23:11
I just think it goes back to what you had been, what you said earlier, about how it feels like this, like you're on this wheel right of programming when you're in an attachment space with a habit because you don't want to, you think it'll throw things off, right? And that's the nervous system part. Is like, if you're not continuing to do this habit, you'll think that you'll throw off, I don't know, the rest of your day, or throw off what you've been doing and how you operate, that it'll just throw off a kink, and you won't, you know, you'll feel weird the rest of the day. So it's like it brings in this kind of like OCD flavor to it too.
Laura 23:46
Like you're using it as a crutch and you're using it as a place holder for self trust, yeah, and sovereignty. I like that. And I thought about the attachment piece in terms of the internal thing we were talking about, right? Like, the the habituated thinking, especially if we're talking about a situation, we're talking about a situation that's unfolded for you, it's like, well, there's a reason that you are still attached to that thought pattern, if it still exists. And so if you are attached to that thought pattern, then that's a space for you to come into. You know, what are you getting from that? Like, how is that still benefiting you? And is that something that you desire to shift or rewire? Because when we are attached to a thought pattern, especially around a person, we are attached to viewing them a certain way, right? I'm attached to viewing you a certain way, even if I have my boundary in place and I'm still having that thought pattern toward you, then I am attached to seeing you in that way. I'm attached to not believing in your malleability. I'm attached to not having faith in your opportunity and ability to change whether I'm connected to you or not. And so it's like, Where can we release attachment? There too? And. Recognize if I'm attached to viewing them a certain way, that's giving me something. What is that giving me that I'm not being with or that I'm not offering myself?
Jenna 25:09
It's an interesting aspect of it, too.
Laura 25:11
Yeah, who knew that the habit conversation could have so many layers?
Jenna 25:15
I know. Thank you Starbucks.
Laura 25:17
Thank you Starbucks. Also for your variety of options, just in case people want to Yeah, yeah. Or maybe a neighboring coffee shop that has better options. All right, friends, drop your habits. Let them be seen. Take some notes on what comes up for you, around just what you're being invited into presence with right now, and awareness around with your day to day, and the stuff that you're doing that that can highlight this can highlight stuff that you're doing on a regular basis that you didn't realize was habitual as well. So it just brings another level of awareness. So thank you for being here with us and receiving this conversation. Thanks for sharing your coffee story and kicking us off. Jenna.
Jenna 26:00
yeah, anytime.
Laura 26:00
all right, we'll see you in the next episode, friends. Bye for now.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
